We are learning that procrastination is not a cause but an effect. We as people wrath our minds around past events that have caused us pain so we hold ourselves back because we do not want to feel that pain. We are afraid to be successful because it would require work and we want to control our lives outcome which in some cases can be good but most of the time it hinders our progression. We become analytical and bitter full of regret because we did not get out of our comfort zone and do the things we wanted to. I concede that there are things we should not do but other things like being successful,earning enough money to have your family comfortable, and reaching the goals we have set!
There are so many people out there that their sole purpose is suck the life out of those who work hard to get success and many achieve this because people are use to hearing it. We are addicted to the disappointment we are addicted to procrastination. We need to learn to shut those feeling out, shut the analytical thoughts out  so we can accomplish those goals that would bring happiness and we can feel and use intuition and listen to inspiring people and say yes I can do that. I am going to do that and then DO IT!!
We are children of the Most High God! He Wants the VERY best for us. If we continue to be humble and seek guidance and counsel from Him then why would He not give us the things we most desire? We are weighted down by our needs and our overwhelming. Just STOP!! I do not need to hear all the ways I can fail I KNOW THEM!! I have thought of them over and over again. STOP thinking and take action! Be the mother you want to be. Be the successful person you want to be. Be that compassionate person you strive to be. JUST DO IT! "What-e’er thou art, act well thy part!" Be the virtuous person you have always wanted to be. Don't think too much just go and do the things the Lord would have you do! Teach your children to do the same!! Teach them Who they are show them who they can become! Teach them to block the never ending saying "I can't"  You can and you must to live, to know you are worth success to, know you are worth the endless blessings of our Father in Heaven. Heavenly Father knows each of us and knows where our hearts are and what we strive to become and how we will and have made mistakes. Move past them and He will help us be better and accomplish our worthy goals! :)
I say this in the name of Jesus our beloved Savior Amen.

https://www.lds.org/liahona/2013/05/we-are-daughters-of-our-heavenly-father?lang=eng

*http://www.jefferysgoldenplan.com/step-1*<http://click.icptrack.com/icp/relay.php?r=36486133&msgid=85621&act=8QAO&c=922028&destination=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jefferysgoldenplan.com%2Fstep-1>

We were scammed :( lost over 700 but we are coming around and trying to get where the Lord wants us to be and be able to support my family. We got our business pack. I am so excited :) We also had to get some more resources so we are hopefully ready to do this. :) We are listening to a podcast about over coming adversity. http://jefferycombs.podomatic.com/entry/2013-04-03T08_14_13-07_00
Must learn how to not cause adversity and not constantly recover from adversity that I created. It will be a constant fight because it is now part of my neurological network or the neurons that fire back and forth and people or places will show up to remind us of the past, but we can progress past if not all then most of this. We can learn to neutralize our mind state let them go not engage them we will be better off. Learn not to face adversity with anxiety because we will become overwhelmed instantly. This is the check out mode  and we lose the capacity to gain. I do this!! ARGH! I retreat and do not back in the game very well. I have gotten better but it is still a struggle. The people that have caused you to go into anxiety mode tend to show up more frequently because they can feel it radiating off of you. The idea is not to react. To stay cool and calm.

I will finish this call later, but today I was reading about faith and there is this website http://mormon.org/faq/what-is-faith

The comments really hit me but one inparticular really touched me and I figured out what I have be doing wrong. with my faith and moving forward here is what was said:

Cary answered...

Faith is a huge topic, rarely fully understood even by people who talk about it a lot. In the Mormon conception, it's a step of confidence between mere belief and full knowledge. It's perhaps best described by contrast with these two extremes on the continuum on which they all lie. First, faith is not that passive thing we call belief because it's a principle of action. So for someone to have faith, they have to be motivated to put a belief into practice, not merely be content with keeping it in their mind. For example, we believe that Christ is the Savior, but because we have faith we ACT as if this were true, and follow His example as best we can. In fact, "acting as if..." is a fairly good phrase to define faith. On the other hand, faith is not "perfect knowledge" either. There is enough of an element of uncertainty about the thing we have faith in, that it takes an effort of conscious decision-making to test our faith's hypothesis. If we had a full knowledge of a thing, that whole test, and the faith to find out if it's true, wouldn't be necessary. Atheists will argue that faith is mere belief (and baseless, at that), but what I have described for faith here leads to a more "scientific" approach that Atheists would like to admit is operable in the minds of the faithful. The proper response to a scriptural assertion, then, becomes not blind obedience, but rather careful thought, hypothesis forming, and testing. As tests come back proven or unproven, faith will grow in the right direction until it approaches "perfect knowledge".

So for me it was I was looking else where instead of concentrating on what I needed to do. I was not putting my faith into action therefore I was not showing Faith in the gaining the income we need. :( I will have to work hard at not deviating from the path that we know would benefit us. We cannot do this without the Lord. I must give my all! If I do not then we will not succeed. I asked Alan to forgive me for my non-faith and he loves me. :) I have to do this. I must succeed for my family for my husband and for myself. The way is open I just have to take it. Please Lord stay with me.  "I need Thee every hour," every minute and every second of my day so we can pull through.

We have decided to sell most of our belongings and live in a motor home. Kind of exciting actually as well as nerve racking. We have some support and we have some criticism, but it feels right. I was praying yesterday to know if this was a good way or the right direction to go and this morning looking at Facebook a photo from the destruction of Oklahoma there was a plaque that read "the best things in life are not things"

It will be hard but we will sell most of our belongs and the rest will be put into storage. We are hoping to save enough money to have a good down payment and be able to pay our debt on the land or home we choose. It will be kind of crazy but good. I am trully excited for this new adventure. The Lords will be done. 

Faith without works is dead: http://www.lds.org/scriptures/jst/jst-james/2.t1?lang=eng&letter=2

We can do this!!

We went to see the Christophersons last night in hopes of convincing him to not get the surgery. He was too set. He wants to try the diet after the surgery not before. Sister Christopherson would be more inclined to join the Isa-Family though. :) Even if they don't then at least they know there are alternatives out there. It was fun sharing and introducing ourselves. I have another name that I would like to investigate. I hope to see them tonight and ask them. I know many of them are getting ready to move but maybe they will let me share my quick story with them.
This morning we watched "come what may and love it" by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=1101413030001

We also watched Elder Hollands story about the young father, "Good things to come." We need to continue on and not give up until the Lord says rest. :) http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=911029449001

Lots to do lots to do. Rent increases in June then again in December. Must keep up hope. :)

http://www.lds.org/training/wwlt/2013/blessings-of-the-priesthood-in-every-home/the-example-of-a-righteous-woman?cid=HP000059&lang=eng

This video share a story of a young boy who found his mother in secret prayer asking Heavenly Father help her with her journey. They were Pioneers. She was one of the widows of Hyrum Smith. It left a great impression upon the young boy and he strived to have faith like his mother. I would like to do that for my children. Use the temple blessing to strengthen their faith as well as my own. Be grateful for what I have and move forward to accomplish our goals.

http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=910930409001

This was the New Years message but it still holds a message to those who are making life changes because we have be instructed By Heavenly Father through the Spirit to follow a different. A few people tell the story of Lot and his wife leaving Sodom and Guamora. The family was instructed to leave in a hurry and not to look behind them. Lot's wife stopped and looked behind her because she was not certain the new life the Lord had for them was better than the one they left behind. Her heart was just not in it so the Lord turned her into a pillar of salt.

For our family we have a long journey ahead of us and great goals and experiences to strive for. It has been hard to let go of what we have now and to push forward with what we need to do to accomplish the goals that we are seeking. We are afraid and for me some days it stalls me progress and I know it. I can see it. Just recently we found a property that is exactly what we are looking for to invest in. Well the house is a little big for my taste but the land is probably perfect. There is an orchard though it needs some TLC and tons of land to build the wind turbines on and have solar panels on. It is 243 acres!! We just do not have the income to pay for it.We can get there though but it will take longer than just right now. We will view it on Saturday but we will not be able to buy it for at least another 4 years. That is the plan anyway. We may not even get this specific land but one similar but we know what we are looking for. :)

We must look forward and be believing and do all that the Lord has asked and we will gain our objective and we will be able to help those of whom we want and that need it. Bless the Lord for all His mercy and love. We must not look back. :)

Today we passed the pups on to the Winters. It was bitter sweet. :) We also called a man about his land and house. 243 acres apple, peach, and apricot trees. 1.5 million dollars. Asked my brother David what he thought and he and his wife think we are nuts. :( We made proposal to Isaac and Ashley and they are going to do some more of their own research with the information we give them. I just want to cry many times because we have soo many opportunities and sometimes we do not know how to accomplish what we need to with them or we are scared. I need to find a way to earn 5000 a month this year. We may not be able to get that land but we could possibly find some land similar? It is just odd that we found this while driving around on a very rough day. We have had so many blessings! So many signs in the direction we are suppose to go and yet I can't seem to figure out how to get more clients!! I am very frustrated. I am hoping to gain a new client Monday. I pray for  more and more new clients to reach these goals that seem to be just in front of us and it seems we need to do.

In reading 2 Nephi 14: 2 and the institute manuals clarification:

Scripture:
 2 In that day shall the ^abranch of the Lord be beautiful and glorious; the fruit of the earth excellent and comely to them that are escaped of Israel.

Institute manual:
“Escaped of Israel” (2 Nephi 14:2) refers to members of the house of Israel who, through personal righteousness, escaped the judgments that came upon the wicked.

I find comfort in the saying that if you are righteous you will be saved from the judgements of the wicked. I am striving to be the most righteous that I can be to help my children, my family, and my friends. I want to help others reach their potential, but I need to reach mine too. I feel I can help others along my journey as well. I want to help others I want to be able to support others when they need it. We need all the spiritual guidance we can possibly get so we must do everything we possibly can to invite it. We must be as righteous as we can be and continually work on being better.

It has been a crazy week! Saturday we were suppose to go to the movies to see Iron Man 3 but it was sold out. We went shopping instead and put up part of the fence. There is a new family in the ward who I really like. They are the Winters. :) She is so sweet. The kids are pretty cute too. :) The dad is really laid back and nice too.  Moroni loves it there. :) Course Moroni loves every where, but home. :( Sunday was crazy. Everyone's kids were misbehaving and I had to walk out with Hannah a few times to change her bum or quiet her down. Moroni did not want to do anything we asked, so I got up and I walked out with both. I couldn't hand Hannah over to Daddy because she would have just screamed. I was so frustrated. My sweet sweet husband came out to me though and took Hannah off my hands even while he taught the class. She fell asleep by end. :) Oh such a relief. I appreciate all that he does for us. He is SO sweet!! I am truly  blessed to have him for myself and our children. I really don't know what I would do without him.
Monday we both finished up school and our finals for school. That was a relief to be done. We also go rain!!! We had fasted on Sunday for rain and got a slight sprinkle then Monday a rain off and on all day. We also had two stray puppies Brendal (female) and Brownie or Big Brown (male) find us needing lots of help. We had them stay in one of the kennels while Boss and Frodo shared. In the morning we found ticks all over them so I found someone to help me take them to the vet. They were shaved ticks removed and washed and sprayed to kill any remaining ticks. They came inside after that and I had to keep a close eye them. They liked to go up stairs and Brendal liked to pee up there instead of outside. :( That was a crazy day they are a lot of work!! Any way the next day I called a round and get an appointment for the vet on Thursday. Brendal got up stairs and pooped and peed in Moroni's room. :( Daddy took care of that though. :) Thank you Daddy! Bro Winters came by and checked out the puppies and said they would take them until we could find them a home. YEAH!! We can't keep them any longer than Saturday. I also got them collars and leashes So we have be working on walking. Thursday morning I found out the puppies got out and trashed the garage. AAAAAAAAA! GGRR! Poop and pee EVERYWHERE!! :( They tore up a box and tossed all  the blankets on the floor or the folded ones anyway. I had a presendency meeting that morning and then we hung out with some other ladies and Camille. I love Camille. :) She just lets me vent. LOL! Hannah didn't feel very good and had a hard time keeping anything down. She just wanted to nurse and I didn't really have a lot of milk left. :( We also went to the vet and got the pups checked out and got shots. So they are all set up for whoever wants to adopt them. We put the dogs outside in their kennels and cleaned up the garage a little bit. Still have a lot of work to do. We have decided to go Gluten free as well. I had two or three spiritual conformation yesterday that this would be the best route to take. It will be hard but I have to do it.  I know it will help me with my stomach pain and I hope it will help Moroni and Hannah. Alan doesn't really need to do it but if we are all going to do it then he will probably do it too.:) I hope he finds benefits from it too.  We need more clients as well so we need to do everything we possibly can to keep the Holy Ghost with us at all times. I can't do this with out Him. Today we have two speghetti dinners. It  will be fun but I will probably be hurting after. Then saturday is the primary activity. I am a little nervous, but I think it will be lots of fun. :) Sunday is Mother's day and I wonder what Alan is going to do. hee hee! I need to pull out the chicken and marinate it.:) Yummy grilled Chicken. The Pups go the Winters Saturday and we going to try again to see Iron Man 3. Busy Busy. Have to catch up on chores too. I think I will try and do that this morning. :) Before the lunch. I really hope Alan gets a half day today. Oh and one more thing we moved up our dates for the personal growth seminar so they would not conflict with Alan's inspection. I also moved up the wls seminar so that we wouldn't have to figure out child care again in November. I really wish Alan could take leave though during that week so he could take care of the kids and they would know him better. :( That can't happen though so Amanda and my mom will take the kids. :) 10 days and Hannah will be 11 months. :) I want to cry she is just so sweet. She climbs out of her bed already!!! Sheesh! Moroni is an AWESOME big brother. He wants so much to play with her and take care of her. Oh last night I had to resort to feeding Hannah two or three spoonfuls every 10 minutes. We got 5 strawberries down her and 2-3 ounces of milk down her and they stayed down as far as I know. I will find out for sure when  I go in to get her this morning.  Moroni knows Jesus loves him. :)

I am very afraid this morning. I have an essay that I need to start writing and I have a final I need to do for this very last class. I just don't know if I can pass this class. I feel like I have worked so hard, but am always falling short. The final has some problems that we were to do in some of our homework. Unfortunately I do not know how to do them. The instructor did not explain them either. It is going to take a lot of work. I just hope I can get it done correctly so I do not fail. I cannot afford to fail.

Emma smith wrote to Joseph and asked for this:

“I desire the Spirit of God to know and understand myself, that I might be able to overcome whatever of tradition or nature that would not tend to my exaltation in the eternal worlds. I desire a fruitful, active mind, that I may be able to comprehend the designs of God, when revealed through His servants without doubting.”

Letter to Joseph Smith, 1844, Church History Library

Why can't I be great in the site of the Lord? Why do I have to let my family dictate what I can and cannot do? I want to be successful not just for myself and my family, but to be able to take care of my parents when it comes time. I need to have the Spirit with me. I must! If I do not then I will not be able to succeed. I want to do His will. We watched a Mormon message yesterday about a young girl who was gathering things for Sunday and their travels to work, but was afraid they could not afford to take their ride to church. She was so concerned she was praying in her heart that it would be alright and she was exercising her faith as well as the faith of her mother and father. Charcoal had increased so that she had to spend double of what they use to spend and the last stop she pleaded with the Lord and as she reached back to get the rest of the money she felt a thick stack of bills where their was only one left before.She was able to buy the rest of her families' needs and the family had enough to make their trip to church. 

I need a miracle.  I need to exercise my faith more. Please stay with me Lord. Please.

Just finished mopping the floors. :) SO excited about this first week. I hope the hubs will do his chore then we can have our reward. YEAH!! Been on top of school too. Still a lot to do but we are doing it. :)
It was a great day. :) We went to a BBQ for Alan's work and saw the Winters there. They are a new family in the ward. They have 6 acres of land and 6 beautiful children.Wonderful food and I even gave out two cards. :) It was AWESOME! I am considering putting Moroni on a gluten free diet to see if he and Hannah feel better and possibly me too. :)
Reading in the Daughters in My Kingdom Chapter 2 the sisters during the building of the Nauvoo temple wanted to have their own society and they even wrote up a constitution and took it to Joseph Smith and he was amazed but then told them that this was not what they wanted and Lord had accepted their offer, but has something better for them. He established a society to pattern after the Priesthood.
Today driving home I talked with Alan about going to school in Washington. I think the Lord still wants us to get out of the military in December though we have considered extending. I thought of Nephi's situation with Laban. Nephi did not want to kill Laban but it was the only way to accomplish the will of the Lord. My thoughts were that if we stay in longer we would be missing out on what the Lord wants to bless us with. I was also reading the booklet they sent in the mail for Alan to fill out and send back in. I had such a calm feeling. This was definitely what we were suppose to be doing. I am going to work hard and serve more clients. :) This way I can build up our emergency fund and help support Alan as he goes through this program. I am nervous but excited too. The Lord definitely has something better in mind for us than what we can think of at this moment. We are really focusing on what He would have us do. I just hope we are interpreting it correctly. :)

In reading the Daughter in My Kingdom. It struck me it says that though the modern name is Relief Society it is of Ancient design. I just did not realize how many women of Jesus's day worked along side the Apostles to support them in the work. One one name Joppa, Tabitha or Dorcas did service and made clothing for other ladies who were in need. I keep thinking about when I was younger and at home my family ward would have these massive service projects to make quilts blankets and have school supplies and canned food donated and sent to other countries or just other places that they were needed. I want to do that. I want to help serve and send these items to other places. https://www.lds.org/relief-society/daughters-in-my-kingdom/manual/relief-society-a-restoration-of-an-ancient-pattern?lang=eng
I remember stories of wealthy saints who purchased the handcarts for saints to travel with because the families had nothing to pack their belongings in. There is so much I want to do but I am afraid when I become or if I become wealthy I will not see these opportunities because my heart will be set on my riches. :(  I can not have that. I want to set up a fund for my parents that when they get to a certain age we can draw from it to take care of them. My mother in particular. I want to earn enough money to help her get the Isagenix system to help here continue her weight loss and be empowered to stay healthy. I want to inspire people to become better and try new things. I can only do that with the Lords help. There is no way I can do it by myself. "I need thee every hour, most gracious Lord. No tender voice like thine can peace afford. I need thee oh I need thee. Every hour I need thee, Oh bless me now my savior I come to thee."

Conversation today:
Moroni: Tree Mama tree.
Me: Yes there is a tree
Moroni: Jesus made tree
:) Me: Yes Jesus made trees
Moroni: Jesus loves us
Me: Yes Jesus loves us
Moroni: Jesus loves mama
Me: Yes Jesus love me
Moroni: Jesus loves me
Me: Yes Jesus loves you. Heavenly Father loves you too.
Moroni: Yes
Me: Heavenly Father loves Daddy and Mama and Hannah.
Moroni: Yes (staring outside at the tree)
This warms my heart!! He is listening! :)

Saw this video today and I cried! I want to be an inspiration to people!! I don't feel like I am! How can I be better? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x4grRXo7W4

Watched the youtube video of part of pooh's windsday. LOL My husband and I were dying laughing! Owl: "I say someone has, Pooh did you do that?" Pooh with a look like what?!?!?!?! out of Despicable Me, "I don't think so."

Then looking at the http://www.lds.org/training/wwlt/2013/first-presidency-message/an-expression-of-gods-love?cid=HP000037&lang=eng
I love that My husband and I were sealed in the temple. We have so many blessings because of it. So much comfort to know we will see our grandparents again. What a reunion that will be. :) I was reading this morning about the saints leaving Nauvoo and getting their endowments. What strength we can get from knowing we are being protected and have the Holy Ghost with us always if we just have faith and keep the covenants we have made. So blessed. :)
https://www.lds.org/relief-society/daughters-in-my-kingdom/manual/cleave-unto-the-covenants-exodus-migration-and-settlement?lang=eng

Yesterday was a good day. I got some homework done, we went on splits with the missionaries, I got to eat lunch with Jen Rogers. On the splits we talked with sis. Church, and Sis Rassmussen. These are wonderful ladies. I also got to visit with Goldie,s Sis Oswald, Trina Mitchell, and Sis Hall. Another bunch of wonderful ladies. I enjoy their beautiful spirits.
Moroni use to call Nana Alan's mom Ba Nan! Yesterday when I went over to pick him up from Jen's Hannah was playing with Beccy's toy and Moroni calls her Bacon. LOL
I found out that the Mitchell's have a pull remover so I think we are going to borrow that and see if we can move the pole over so the gate will fit. :) I also found out the medical care here is not the best So I am wondering if  we are suppose to wait to have another baby? Alan doesn't know either.
Chapter 5 of 2 Samuel King David conquer the city of Jerusalem. He also tore up the Philistines twice. The king of Tyre built David's palace that was in Jerusalem.
Reading 2 Nephi 11 I was wondering if because of how the world is today that is why do not receive so many visions. Basically we are not ready, the prophet I whole heartily believe has seen and spoken with the Lord possibly on many occasions. The same with the twelve apostles, but I haven't heard them specifically say that. However, because of how the people are I wonder if they would try and have them put in mental institution or again accuse us of lying and many of the church might even fall away. But so many people had great visions and were healed so many times. The Priesthood truly works. It works by faith. I am trying to do  what I need to but I always feel like I fall short. I am pretty sure my husband is not happy with me at all. :(
Without Christ we would not be here. He created the earth and formed our bodies. In away he is our Father too. What holds me back. I don't know. Why can't I just have faith and do things. I don't know. ARGH! it is so frustrating.

Today I will be cleaning my house and catching up on chores. :)

The tribe of Judah was said to be the only one that would kill their God. They were the most wicked. They were so hard in their hearts they could not see the wonderful miracles Christ did for the people. They only wanted money for their "good" works. So sad. They call this priestcrafts. This is from the reading of 2 Nephi 10.
Reading from the Daughters in My Kingdom hand book, it says the women were told to "cleave unto their covenants." http://www.lds.org/relief-society/daughters-in-my-kingdom/manual/cleave-unto-the-covenants-exodus-migration-and-settlement?lang=eng These covenants were made in the Nauvoo temple. The Prophet Brigham Young says he worked all day and into the night not taking more that 4 hours of sleep at night only going home once a week. Oh what a wonderful work. I need to go to the temple very badly. I have to go in two weeks I am hoping to go twice this month because we didn't go last month. Brigham Young worked off of 4 hours a sleep a day. Why can't I do that? Would more this get done? Could I still have a pleasant attitude? I think I have been but I have not be pleasant. My poor children. I NEED to be better. I need to make some more phone calls and I need to not freak out about school this week. One thing at a time. We r doing good on our chore chart so far. YEAH! just have to keep doing it. Must be precise.
I love Thee Father thank thee for thy kindness and mercy. "I need they every hour" "Bless me now my Savior I come to Thee"