Trust in God!

Step 3:

"Key Principle: Decide to turn your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ."

I never realized that I had a doubt but I did. I want to believe and I do believe though. I have overcome that doubt. I know I have been blessed and continue to be blessed everyday. I am afraid to turn over my agency to the Lord. This is a gift from Him and it is our right. I am afraid that if I do turn over my will He will make me do something I do not like. LOL But I know it would be better for me. My feelings are so conflicting. This step has hit me hard and when I first read it I felt like I was being slapped. HA! Not I really want to do this but not sure how exactly to get the that point of submissiveness to our Father in Heaven. A few areas that hit me are these:

"When we begin to submit ourselves by letting our wills be swallowed up in God's will, then we are really giving something to Him" ("Insights from My Life," Ensign, Aug. 2000, 9).

Everything we have on this earth was already given to us by the Lord. He is only loaning it to us so when we give it back it is like we are giving him back our own stuff or showing gratitude which is great, but what is truly ours is our Agency and to give that to Him is a true gift and He feels and shows us gratitude for doing so. Then He can truly being to use us for His work and help Him gather His children in.

President Boyd K Packer said, "Perhaps the greatest discovery of my life, without question the greatest commitment, came when finally I had the confidence in God that I would loan or yield my agency to Him-... In a sense, speaking figuratively, to take one's angency that precious gift which the scriptures make plain is essential to life itself, and say, 'I will do as you direct,' is afterward to learn that in so doing you possess it all the more" (Obedience, Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year [Dec, 7, 1971], 4).

I can actually understand this. I mean we want to do go so when we finally let go and follow the Lord as he directs we can stand for our beliefs even better. We have more strength to overcome our trials and seek through our challenges. We can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. We can defend honor and truth speaking up when things are just not right. We won't have the natural man relying on man anymore, How do we get there. How do we let go? Practice?

"We face the truth that recovery was far more the result of the Lord's efforts than our own."

He wants to give us freedom from our addictions and weaknesses. All we have to do is let Him. He knows exactly how we feel and He knows us He knows our hearts. How do we let go of something we are use to?
Time and practice?

"Allow God to recover and redeem us." "Allow Him to direct our lives, remembering, of course, that He always respects our agency." " Decide to put our lives in His hands  by continuing to follow this spiritually focused program of recovery."

Allow Allow and Decide. We have to consciously make the choice. Maybe several times a day. I know I need too. Let go!!

"We realize that changing our lives this much had to be our own decision." "We saw we had to be willing to stay clean and sober regardless of anyone else's opinions or choices."

I cannot make myself please everyone. It does not work. If I don't like something then I must change it or say something. Do not be mean be patient kind, and long suffering. Charity. My problem is is that I do good for a day or so then I flip flop and get sucked in again to my weaknesses. I am not sure how to become positive one day at a time when I flip flop so often. ARGH! It is so frustrating. I want to do as the Lord wants me to. I just have to let go relax have an open mind.

"Alma 5:13: 'They humbled themselves and put their trust in the true and living God.'" "As we take this step we feel terrified of the unknown." "Childhood was very difficult and we are terrified of becoming vulnerable  as little children again ... Making a definite commitment is nearly impossible, given the insanity surrounding us in this world. We have seen too many commitments broken. We have broken too many ourselves ... Keep doing as our recovering friends are doing 'Don't use. Go to meetings. Ask for help.'

I want to go to more meetings but I feel like I have too many other responsibilities. Half the time by studying I feel I am taking up too much time from my kids. I can't do this alone though. I am truly struggling to overcome and be as the Lord wants me to be. I am struggling to give my will to Him. Mind over matter. HA! What a joke. It is Spirit over body but to do that we have to turn our lives to Him. The little things matter!! Nothing I do seems good enough. I am trying to live better and get good nutrition and good things in my life. I am trying to be a better mother and wife. I am trying to serve. Just do it. So much to overcome.

"They patiently wait for us to become willing to open the door to God just a little bit."

These are the friends that who see your struggles and know what and how to help you. These are also Heavenly Father and Christ. The Spirit comes when we open our hearts even a small amount.

Christ says: "I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him. and he with me" (Revelation 3:20).

This is how it is "At first our efforts are anxious and halting. We keep giving the Lord our trust and then taking it back . We worry that He will be displeased at our inconsistency and withdraw His support and love from us. But He doesn't."

"Each of us realize that we not only have to give up our addictions, but we also have to turn our entire will and life over to God. As we do so we find Him patient and accepting of our faltering efforts to surrender to Him in all things. Our ability to withstand temptation has to be grounded in continual submission to the will of the Lord. We need to learn  to accept life on the Lord's terms."

This is slightly different than what is in the workbook, but it holds more to me when I put it in the present rather than the past. This is exactly how I feel right now. I must learn I must do because I cannot overcome by myself. I have already tried. I must be with the Lord for success.

"Elder Maxwell observed, this submission to the Lord is hard doctrine. It requires us to rededicate ourselves to His will at the start of each day and sometimes every hour or even from moment to moment. As we are willing to do so, we find the grace, or enabling power, to do what we could not do for ourselves."

Mine is moment to moment because I can flip a switch and be ruthless. It has to be a moment to moment. I must remember. I must.

"Continued submission to God's will reduces strife and brings more meaning to our lives. We accept and treat others as we would like to be treated, as the Savior would treat us all."

I will have to ponder on this one more because I need to figure out how He wants us to treat some others or how I would want to be treated in some cases because sometimes I do not know.

"Each day we renew our submission to the Lord and His will. 'One day at a time.' Decide to let go of the self-will and self-seeking that were at the root of our addictions and enjoy another 24 hours of the serenity and strength that come from trusting in God and in His goodness, power, and love."

I do some of the addictions to overcome frustration or to think through a problem, but it just makes me more frustrated. I need to study a little more on the self-will and self-seeking to understand what they are more so I can fix them.