I struggle to keep my bearings as I continue to stay here. I feel trapped in myself and unable to push through my addictions and overcome. I cannot overcome without the help of my Lord. I cannot progress without the spirit in my life. I watched 17 miracles today and Porter Rockwell. The saints went through so much and to keep the faith and had so many miracles through their journeys. Bring people back from the dead and feeling Angels push them towards Zion. I have felt such things in times of lonely while in the Army i felt arms surround me and tell me everything will be ok. Every will work out. And it has. I have lost sight of many of our goals and fallen into a state of neglected faith and depression that I have a really hard time getting over those feelings and moving forward. I have come to understand they are an addiction that I must overcome to have the spirit with me at all times. I have to work towards the Kingdom of God to become successful in anything that I do. We have been so blessed. I just have to keep studying the scriptures and writing the thoughts that come to my mind and heart and I will move forward. "Pride and honesty cannot coexist." "The proud cannot accept the authority of God giving direction to their lives."
"The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior than the a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior." ~ President Boyd K. Packer.

Step 1 to the recovering from my addictions is "Honesty: Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addiction and that your life has become unmanageable."

"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in His strength I can do all things." Alma 26: 12

 17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great ^agoodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O ^bwretched man that I am! Yea, my heart ^csorrowethbecause of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.

 18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily ^abeset me.

 19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have ^atrusted.

 20 My God hath been my ^asupport; he hath led me through mine^bafflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.

 21 He hath filled me with his ^alove, even unto the ^bconsuming of my flesh.

 22 He hath confounded mine ^aenemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me.

2 Nephi 4:17-22

Blessed be the Lord God for ALL THINGS are possible with Him. :)

D&C 25 http://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/25?lang=eng#listen=audio

 2 A revelation I give unto you concerning my will; and if thou art faithful and ^awalk in the paths of ^bvirtue before me, I will preserve thy life, and thou shalt receive an ^cinheritance in Zion.

He watches all of us and knows if we follow His commandments He will save a place for us in Heaven. We can have everything He hath. :)

 3 Behold, thy ^asins are forgiven thee, and thou art an ^belect ^clady, whom I have ^dcalled.

He will forgive us of our sins always if we seek repentance. I am an "elect lady" He has called me to do a great work. :) I just have to cultivate and find the talents He has given me to bring souls unto Him and that He may be glorified. :)

4 ^aMurmur not because of the ^bthings which thou hast not seen, for they are ^cwithheld from thee and from the world, which is wisdom in me in a time to come.

I have many questions about where were are suppose to be going and what exactly we are suppose to be doing. How can we live forever or all eternity and I get frustrated that I cannot seem to figure things out either quickly or at all, but this scripture says reminds me that the Lord has not reveled everything to anyone yet. He will eventually but for now I need to let it go and continue working to achieve greatness in His will. :) I need to pray often and have faith. :)

 5 And the office of thy calling shall be for a ^acomfort unto my servant, Joseph Smith, Jun., thy ^bhusband, in his ^cafflictions, with consoling words, in the spirit of ^dmeekness.

 6 And thou shalt go with him at the time of his going, and be unto him for a scribe, while there is no one to be a scribe for him, that I may send my servant, Oliver Cowdery, whithersoever I will.

 7 And thou shalt be ^aordained under his hand to expound scriptures, and to exhort the church, according as it shall be given thee by my ^bSpirit.

 8 For he shall lay his ^ahands upon thee, and thou shalt receive the Holy Ghost, and thy time shall be given to writing, and to learning much.

 9 And thou needest not fear, for thy ^ahusband shall support thee in the church; for unto them is his ^bcalling, that all things might be^crevealed unto them, whatsoever I will, according to their faith.

I will be a comfort to my husband. Alan needs to know I am here for him and will go where he goes and do what he would have me do under the direction of our Heavenly Father. We must read and learn on Christ through the scriptures so we can be more like Him! I will continue to ask Alan for blessing for direction and to feel the Lord close to me and lift me up when I am struggling too much. The blessing will help our children as well. We have the Holy Ghost with us if we will just align our values and goals with the Lord. Alan will in deed help me through whatever the Lord calls me to do. We both have to move forward with faith. :)

10 And verily I say unto thee that thou shalt lay aside the ^athings of this ^bworld, and ^cseek for the things of a ^dbetter.

This scripture kind of hurts me. I do really still want things of the world, but I know there are better things or more rewarding things to seek after. The worldly things must be used in the service of the Lord! Use my gifts so people can see my light that was given to me by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. 

12 For my soul ^adelighteth in the ^bsong of the ^cheart; yea, the^dsong of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads.

 13 Wherefore, ^alift up thy heart and ^brejoice, and cleave unto the covenants which thou hast made.

I love music and if I use the Hymns and Primary songs to heal my heart and sing for my children that it will heal their hearts then we will always be praying and keeping the Spirit of the Lord close to us. This sacred music will help us keep our covenants and guide us in the direction the Lord would have us go. :)

14 Continue in the spirit of meekness, and beware of ^apride. Let thy soul delight in thy ^bhusband, and the ^cglory which shall come upon him.

 15 Keep my commandments continually, and a ^acrown of^brighteousness thou shalt receive. And except thou do this, where I am you ^ccannot come.

I have to be careful of my thoughts and know that even when we become successful that it is because of the Lord and not because of myself. I have to watch my prideful urges. I must be happy with my husband and enjoy him and all the good things that will come to pass because of his wonderful spirit. I must keep the commandments and those covenants that we made or we will not be able to enter in at the gate. Love the Lord will all you might mind and strength and He will poor out His blessing upon you. Blessed be the Name of the Most High God. The Creator of all living. The One true God. I Love Thee! Please stay with my husband and me to complete the task though has shown us to do. Thank you! In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

It is not What you do it is your WHY that attracts. They don't buy your what....they buy your WHY. 

"What you are is what you have done with the WHY you are." 
-Raymond Charles Barker.

Why am I doing Isagenix? I do it because it has made me feel better and more alive than I have every felt in my life!! Why do I want to sell or share Isagenix? Because everyone can benefit from it!! It has so many good things to it!! I feel I need to! It is helping me to change into the person I want to be. It is helping me gain new friends, get out of my comfort zone and experience things I never thought I would do. I want to inspire people I want to have people I can count on and let them know they can count on me! I want to help people live a healthier lifestyle or boost their healthy lifestyle. With the Lord all things are possible. I need to do this!! I have to support my family and grow mentally, physically, and spiritually. If I can just have the spirit with me I can do this! 

Reading Jacob chapter 4 I need to take counsel from the Lord. Do not search "beyond the mark" it will just be confusing and we could not understand it at this time. Seek not what man wants, seek the Kingdom of Heaven.

Jacob 4:5. Worship the Father in the Name of Jesus Christ

• •
  Jacob’s writings provide us with an important insight into the law ofMoses and the Old Testament. In Jacob 4:5 we learn that the Old Testament prophets prior to Jacob’s time knew of both Christ and the Father as distinct individuals and appropriately worshipped the Father in Christ’s name. Jacob’s words indicate that the law of Moses was far more than simply a law of strict commandments and legal codes, as some modern scholars claim. The law of Moses testified of Jesus Christ and led the righteous to sanctification through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Jacob 4:10. “Seek Not to Counsel the Lord”

• •
  President Marion G. Romney (1897–1988) of the First Presidency explained what it meant to “counsel the Lord”: “Now I do not think that many members of the Church consciously urge the persuasions of men 
• or their own counsel instead of heeding the Lord’s. However, when we do not keep ourselves advised as to what the counsel of the Lord is, we are prone to substitute our own counsel for His. As a matter of fact, there is nothing else we can do but follow our own counsel when we do not know the Lord’s instructions” (“Seek Not to Counsel the Lord,”Ensign, Aug. 1985, 5).

Jacob 4:14–18. “Looking beyond the Mark”

• •
  While serving in the Seventy, Elder Dean L. Larsen explained that the Israelites in ancient times “got themselves into great difficulty” because they “placed themselves in serious jeopardy in spiritual things because they were unwilling to accept simple, basic principles of truth. They entertained and intrigued themselves with ‘things that they could not understand’ (Jacob 4:14). They were apparently afflicted with a pseudosophistication and a snobbishness that gave them a false sense of superiority over those who came among them with the Lord’s words of plainness. They went beyond the mark of wisdom and prudence, and obviously failed to stay within the circle of fundamental gospel truths, which provide a basis for faith. They must have reveled in speculative and theoretical matters that obscured for them the fundamental spiritual truths. As they became infatuated by these ‘things that they could not understand,’ their comprehension of and faith in the redeeming role of a true Messiah was lost, and the purpose of life became confused. A study of Israel’s history will confirm Jacob’s allegations” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1987, 11–12; or Ensign, Nov. 1987, 11).
• •
  Elder Neal A. Maxwell explained how “looking beyond the mark” can be avoided today: “This incredible blindness which led to the rejection 
  of those truths spoken by prophets and which prevented the recognition of Jesus for who he was, according to Jacob, came ‘by looking beyond the mark.’ Those who look beyond plainness, beyond the prophets, beyond Christ, and beyond his simple teachings waited in vain then, as they will wait in vain now. For only the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us of things as they really are and as they really will be” (“On Being a Light” [address delivered at the Salt Lake Institute of Religion, Jan. 2, 1974], 1).
• Follow the commandments and keep your covenants the Lord is always mindful of you and He loves you. He loves me. :) Be grateful for all that we have. Bless Thee Lord for Thy kindness and mercy and for guiding us to where we will grow and expand ourselves in learning and experiences. Thank Thee for our beautiful children and how they teach us to be better every day. We will endure to the end no matter what happens. We will be as Job and always look to Thee for comfort and Thy blessings. I love Thee. Thank Thee for my wonderful Husband and how he strengthens me and gives me the guidance Thou gives him. He is trully an honorable son to Thee. Please continue to stay with us and help us reach our goals to help ourselves be better and help others how Thou would have us help them. Thank Thee for The peace Thou gives me. Please help us to develop the talents Thou has given us that we may show others Thy light which is in us and they will come unto Thee. Thank Thee for our home and animals. We do love Thee with all our hearts. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Marriage can be delicate if we do not strive to nourish it  and think of the welfare of our spouse. It is sad that some marriages fall apart because of simple neglect. :( Others abuse or money issues. We need to rise above these and look to the comfort and care of our spouses. Divorce does happen unfortunately and for some it is a good thing, but others can be fixed.
https://www.lds.org/liahona/2000/05/nurturing-a-love-that-lasts?lang=eng

I like this song as well

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLk_z3ZxM2A

I have a friend that has connections now. His name is Pete Cerqua and he is just awesome! He has 3 best selling books the 90 Second Fitness Solution is Published through Simon and Schuster who are HUGE in the publishing industry. The other two The High Intensity Fitness Revolution for Men and Women have a foreword written by Tony Escobar who is one of Isagenix's Millionaires!!! He does many radio shows where he answers peoples questions about anything pretty much. He owns 4 gyms in New York!! He has trainers in 12 different states and in Australia! This man is SO amazing and when he talks to you it's like he empowers you!! It is fantastic!! With 4 power houses in my corner I am set to help this gym owner Justin Johnson gain more success with Isagenix!! WOOO HOOO! SO excited!! Thank thee Father in Heavenly for all the help you have given me!!

Our plans have changed again. Though we are still working toward our goal of Alan going for wind energy. It is becoming a rough road. We have lost our client and therefore soon to lose my consultant status if we do not find someone else. I feel discouraged a lot because I feel I have worked so hard and gotten out of my comfort zone, but I do not see progress yet. We are keeping the faith that things will work out in our favor if we do as the Lord has command us. We are working to keep the spirit in our home and learn of our Savior so we can give to others and take care of ourselves. I feel like I constantly fight with myself to get things done and to call people to give them information about Isagenix. We need help. If I could just keep the spirit with me I believe that people would know this is a good product and company to get involved with and earn a little extra money or bring in an income to support their family. How do I do this? Just keep going and talking to people?  We are becoming desperate. I am afraid people may be able to see this though we do control it. How do we get past the discouragement and negativity? How do I get my children taken care of and let them know that I do love them and would do anything for them? How do I show them I am doing this so we can have a better fuller life and help others as the Lord has helped us?

I just read this talk: https://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-relief-society-meeting/2012/09/the-lord-has-not-forgotten-you?lang=eng

I have also read this scripture and the sections in the institute manual for them:

Jacob 2:17-19

17 Think of your ^abrethren like unto yourselves, and be familiar with all and free with your ^bsubstance, that ^cthey may be rich like unto you.

 18 But ^abefore ye seek for ^briches, seek ye for the ^ckingdom of God.

 19 And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to ^adogood—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted.

This is from the institute manual:

Jacob 2:12–19. “Before Ye Seek for Riches”

• •
  Jacob taught that God does not condemn the wealthy for their riches. Instead, any condemnation comes from their pride or misuse of their abundance (see Jacob 2:13–14). Some of the people of Nephi chose riches rather than God as the center of their lives. Their search for wealth led them to persecute their brethren rather than assist them (see verses 18–19).
  
• •
  President David O. McKay (1873–1970) counseled us to be cautious regarding that which we seek. Though we may obtain almost anything we work for, it may come at a high price: “What seek ye first? What do you cherish as the dominant, the uppermost thought in your mind? What this is will largely determine your destiny. … You may win in this world almost anything for which you strive. If you work for wealth, you can get it, but before you make it an end in itself, take a look at those men who have sacrificed all to the accomplishment of this purpose, at those who have desired wealth for the sake of wealth itself. Gold does not corrupt man; it is in the motive of acquiring that gold that corruption occurs” (Treasures of Life [1962], 174–75).
• •
  President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, provided additional instruction concerning the pursuits of life:
  “We want our children and their children to know that the choice of life is not between fame and obscurity, nor is the choice between wealth and poverty. The choice is between good and evil, and that is a very different matter indeed.
  “When we finally understand this lesson, thereafter our happiness will not be determined by material things. We may be happy without them or successful in spite of them.
  “Wealth and prominence do not always come from having earned them. Our worth is not measured by renown or by what we own. …
  “Our lives are made up of thousands of everyday choices. Over the years these little choices will be bundled together and show clearly what we value.
  “The crucial test of life, I repeat, does not center in the choice between fame and obscurity, nor between wealth and poverty. The greatest decision of life is between good and evil” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1980, 28–29; or Ensign, Nov. 1980, 21).

  Jacob 2:17. “Free with Your Substance”

  • •
    In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, fast offerings assist the poor and needy. Church leaders encourage members to be generous with their offerings. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin (1917–2008) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles provided counsel regarding how much to contribute:
    “How much should we pay in fast offerings? My brothers and sisters, the measure of our offering to bless the poor is a measure of our gratitude to our Heavenly Father. Will we, who have been blessed so abundantly, turn our backs on those who need our help? Paying a generous fast offering is a measure of our willingness to consecrate ourselves to relieve the suffering of others.
    “Brother Marion G. Romney, who was the bishop of our ward when I was called on a mission and who later served as a member of the First Presidency of the Church, admonished:
    “‘Be liberal in your giving, that you yourselves may grow. Don’t give just for the benefit of the poor, but give for your own welfare. Give enough so that you can give yourself into the kingdom of God through consecrating of your means and your time’ (Ensign, July 1982, 4)” (in Conference Report, Apr. 2001, 97; or Ensign, May 2001, 75).
    We have so many plans and ideas how to serve others and to experience the great wonders of the world. To help others get to where they need and want to be. To give freely of our abundance to others that need it. To give to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for humanitarian aid , to build temples, to help the scouts, to help the addiction program, and to help the missionaries. We would also like to go on missions. We want to give to other organizations as well. Like the Light House Mission that helps those who have addiction problems as well. So many other organization for our youth and for the welfare of our own souls do we want to give. So much to do. I must pray every day to have the spirit with me to get the things done I need to get done and to get where I need to be. Heavenly Father and the Savior love me and all of us. If I just have faith and give him my burdens He will help us. Then to show gratitude by share what we have with others. Must pray often and just know or believe!! BE PATIENT!!

We are learning that procrastination is not a cause but an effect. We as people wrath our minds around past events that have caused us pain so we hold ourselves back because we do not want to feel that pain. We are afraid to be successful because it would require work and we want to control our lives outcome which in some cases can be good but most of the time it hinders our progression. We become analytical and bitter full of regret because we did not get out of our comfort zone and do the things we wanted to. I concede that there are things we should not do but other things like being successful,earning enough money to have your family comfortable, and reaching the goals we have set!
There are so many people out there that their sole purpose is suck the life out of those who work hard to get success and many achieve this because people are use to hearing it. We are addicted to the disappointment we are addicted to procrastination. We need to learn to shut those feeling out, shut the analytical thoughts out  so we can accomplish those goals that would bring happiness and we can feel and use intuition and listen to inspiring people and say yes I can do that. I am going to do that and then DO IT!!
We are children of the Most High God! He Wants the VERY best for us. If we continue to be humble and seek guidance and counsel from Him then why would He not give us the things we most desire? We are weighted down by our needs and our overwhelming. Just STOP!! I do not need to hear all the ways I can fail I KNOW THEM!! I have thought of them over and over again. STOP thinking and take action! Be the mother you want to be. Be the successful person you want to be. Be that compassionate person you strive to be. JUST DO IT! "What-e’er thou art, act well thy part!" Be the virtuous person you have always wanted to be. Don't think too much just go and do the things the Lord would have you do! Teach your children to do the same!! Teach them Who they are show them who they can become! Teach them to block the never ending saying "I can't"  You can and you must to live, to know you are worth success to, know you are worth the endless blessings of our Father in Heaven. Heavenly Father knows each of us and knows where our hearts are and what we strive to become and how we will and have made mistakes. Move past them and He will help us be better and accomplish our worthy goals! :)
I say this in the name of Jesus our beloved Savior Amen.

https://www.lds.org/liahona/2013/05/we-are-daughters-of-our-heavenly-father?lang=eng

*http://www.jefferysgoldenplan.com/step-1*<http://click.icptrack.com/icp/relay.php?r=36486133&msgid=85621&act=8QAO&c=922028&destination=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jefferysgoldenplan.com%2Fstep-1>

We were scammed :( lost over 700 but we are coming around and trying to get where the Lord wants us to be and be able to support my family. We got our business pack. I am so excited :) We also had to get some more resources so we are hopefully ready to do this. :) We are listening to a podcast about over coming adversity. http://jefferycombs.podomatic.com/entry/2013-04-03T08_14_13-07_00
Must learn how to not cause adversity and not constantly recover from adversity that I created. It will be a constant fight because it is now part of my neurological network or the neurons that fire back and forth and people or places will show up to remind us of the past, but we can progress past if not all then most of this. We can learn to neutralize our mind state let them go not engage them we will be better off. Learn not to face adversity with anxiety because we will become overwhelmed instantly. This is the check out mode  and we lose the capacity to gain. I do this!! ARGH! I retreat and do not back in the game very well. I have gotten better but it is still a struggle. The people that have caused you to go into anxiety mode tend to show up more frequently because they can feel it radiating off of you. The idea is not to react. To stay cool and calm.

I will finish this call later, but today I was reading about faith and there is this website http://mormon.org/faq/what-is-faith

The comments really hit me but one inparticular really touched me and I figured out what I have be doing wrong. with my faith and moving forward here is what was said:

Cary answered...

Faith is a huge topic, rarely fully understood even by people who talk about it a lot. In the Mormon conception, it's a step of confidence between mere belief and full knowledge. It's perhaps best described by contrast with these two extremes on the continuum on which they all lie. First, faith is not that passive thing we call belief because it's a principle of action. So for someone to have faith, they have to be motivated to put a belief into practice, not merely be content with keeping it in their mind. For example, we believe that Christ is the Savior, but because we have faith we ACT as if this were true, and follow His example as best we can. In fact, "acting as if..." is a fairly good phrase to define faith. On the other hand, faith is not "perfect knowledge" either. There is enough of an element of uncertainty about the thing we have faith in, that it takes an effort of conscious decision-making to test our faith's hypothesis. If we had a full knowledge of a thing, that whole test, and the faith to find out if it's true, wouldn't be necessary. Atheists will argue that faith is mere belief (and baseless, at that), but what I have described for faith here leads to a more "scientific" approach that Atheists would like to admit is operable in the minds of the faithful. The proper response to a scriptural assertion, then, becomes not blind obedience, but rather careful thought, hypothesis forming, and testing. As tests come back proven or unproven, faith will grow in the right direction until it approaches "perfect knowledge".

So for me it was I was looking else where instead of concentrating on what I needed to do. I was not putting my faith into action therefore I was not showing Faith in the gaining the income we need. :( I will have to work hard at not deviating from the path that we know would benefit us. We cannot do this without the Lord. I must give my all! If I do not then we will not succeed. I asked Alan to forgive me for my non-faith and he loves me. :) I have to do this. I must succeed for my family for my husband and for myself. The way is open I just have to take it. Please Lord stay with me.  "I need Thee every hour," every minute and every second of my day so we can pull through.